“Happiness is not having what you want. It is
wanting what you have.”
What Is Happiness?
The
dictionary defines happy as “feeling pleasure and enjoyment because
of your life, situation, etc.” (Merriam-Webster). Many attempts have been made
to contain the term “happiness” in a definition, but a few sentences cannot
begin to illustrate what this complex feeling is.
What Does “Being
Happy with Your Situation” Mean?
Being
happy with what we have does not mean we should stop striving for a better
situation, it simply means we should appreciate what we have. Once we are able
to cherish the persons around us, the things we possess and the things we have
accomplished, we can be truly happy. And only then we can stop seeing the
things we do not have as failures, but as future opportunities for happiness.
Can What We Have
Make Us Happy?
Defining
happiness is difficult when the question is “What makes people happy?”, but it becomes
easier when the question is more specific: “What makes you happy?” The things
that make one happy can be of no value to the next person. There is no general
formula to make people happy; we must find our own source of happiness and our
own way to get to it. This means then that we are significantly responsible for
our happiness, and thus comes the logical question: “Are we capable of making
ourselves happier?”
Pascale
Harter asked this question to Professor Ruut Veenhoven, the director of the
World Database of Happiness. His answer, based on years of study and research,
was “yes”. The state of happiness is prone to change, therefore, we can make
ourselves happier, the professor argues. The results of his studies also show
that people who are very much focused on their goals and on what they want are
less happy than the ones who focus more on what they have already achieved.
“The reason seems to be that unhappy people are more aware of their goals,
because they seek to change their life for the better" (qtd. in Harter,
“Can we make ourselves happier?”).
Our
attempts at making ourselves happier, however, should be sincere and not
forced. Gilbert shows that, if we force ourselves too much to “generate
positive views”, we might end up feeling even worse than before. He supports
his idea with the results of a study in which the participants had to listen to
the Rite of Spring, by Igor
Stravinsky. One group was asked to listen to the music, and the other one was
asked to deliberately try to be happy while listening to the music. At the end,
the second group was in a poorer state than the first group, as they felt their
attempts to be happy were shallow and void of essence (3).
Rather
than forcing ourselves to manufacture our happiness, we should focus on what we
have and extract our happiness from there. Lori Deschene
remembers how she believed she would have it all, when she was a little girl. As
the years went by, “it all” seemed further and further away, and concentrating
only on her long established goal, she lost sight of the small accomplishments.
But, lately, she realized that she does not want it all, and, thus, took a step
forward towards happiness “I want to believe that I already possess all that I
need to be happy.” (“Tiny Wisdom: On Being Happy with What You Have”).
Fosdick
is another advocate of the idea that happiness comes from within. In his book, On Being a Real Person, he approaches
the concept from different points of view, and states that happiness depends on
“our achievement of personal wholeness and unity” (32).
The
pursuit of happiness is one of the unalienable rights from the United States Declaration
of Independence, but trying to define and achieve happiness has been attempted
centuries ago. Jackson tried to make one of these ancient attempts more
available to the modern reader, and presented Aristotle’s take on happiness.
Even thousands of years ago, people were aware that “happiness” was a complex
concept, very subjective, but revolving around the well-being of a person
(“Aristotle on What It Means to Be Happy”).
As
mentioned before, this feeling of well-being is different from person to person.
There are, however, some steps which have been connected to success and
leadership, but which can be applied, generally, in the pursuit of happiness. Finding Happiness – 4 Concepts Connected to
Leadership and Success clearly shows that being happy does not mean having
everything, but rather making the most of what we have.
In
order to be able to do this, there are four major actions we must accomplish: “1.
Understand the difference between Pleasure and Happiness, 2. Take control of
your life and your happiness, 3. Develop close positive relationships and care
for others, 4. Find and express purpose and meaning in your life.” (White).
There
are many people who think that being happy means being rich or famous. Believing
this is true can create a lot of frustration, because not everybody can be rich
or famous, but everybody can be happy.
Furthermore,
being rich does not automatically make you happy. Finlo Rohrer analyses
the situation of people winning the lottery, and becoming happy is not among
the first changes in their lives (“Does winning the lottery make you happy?”).
Being
able to find joy in small things and special moments can make us happier than
affording to buy expensive clothes every week, for instance. Wayne Coyne had a
revelation about the power of these special moments on a rainy day, while
waiting for the traffic light to turn green. From the comfort of his car, he
saw a couple trying their best to keep warm, and felt sorry for them. But, then,
he saw their smiling faces, looking happy in spite of the rain and cold, so
“[I]nstead of pitying them, I envied them. […] They didn’t seem to notice the
wind. They weren’t worried about their clothes. They weren’t looking at my car
thinking, ‘I wish I had that’.” (“Creating Our Own Happiness”)
A
likewise inspirational story is told by Marianne Bachleder, who witnessed a
young boy saying he was happy with what he had. The eight-year-old was given
the opportunity to choose a sticker, and he chose one with an alligator. He then
saw another one, with a frog, and said he would have chosen that one, but he
did not see it. He could have asked for the frog sticker too, but he did not.
He was happy with what he had, with his first choice (“Happy With What I Have”).
There
is a difference between “being happy” and “feeling happy”, and understanding
this can help us focus on the right things. “[…] ‘feeling happy’ is when you
feel good emotionally, for the moment. In contrast, ‘being happy’ is an
overarching sense of wholeness in your body, mind and spirit that makes you
glad to be alive.” (Schlessel Harpham, 315). The things we want might make us
feel happy for a while, but the things that we already have are part of our
current happiness, and we should learn to cherish them.
Conclusion
A
study published by Science Daily and conducted by Jeff Larsen and Amie McKibban
shows that people who can appreciate the things they have and still want them
are much happier than those who forget the value of things after they get them.
Larsen summarized the results of the study: “Simply having a bunch of things is
not the key to happiness. Our data shows that you also need to appreciate those
things you have.”
This
however, does not mean we should limit ourselves to only what we have and not
try to improve our current state. While appreciating what we have, we should
keep some goals for the future, to help us move forward. “It’s also important
to keep your desire for things you don’t own in check.” Larsen concluded (“Is
Happiness Having What You Want, Wanting What You Have, or Both?”).
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